It was about 730pm when he pinged me.

Zach was still at work, which was unusually late even for the fast growing dot com he was working at in downtown Seattle when I received his text message inviting me out for a drink.  A last minute request, but I make time for my friends when I can.  We settled on Madison Pub – casual and neighbor-hoodie would work for a low-profile evening.

I arrived just a couple minutes after Zach finding him near the back of the sports bar next to the video games and dart boards.  He already had a pint filled with a micro in hand, maybe a Manny’s.  I figured he’d been stressed from working so many hours as a PM in his job.  I should know, as I’d worked at that infamous Seattle-based dot com as well. The context of how we initially met – both of us were colleagues at one point.

 

After ordering a drink/flirting with the bartender for my Jameson on the rocks I circled back with Zach perching myself on the bar stool across from him.

 

“I’m so stressed out!”

 

Zach initialized the venting process explaining how he hadn’t had much sleep and was feeling anxious alluding to his need for a cathartic experience.

 

Then bam!

 

Syntax error… file not found.  Even with my limited knowledge of computer science, machine-learning and algorithms I could not have anticipated the next possible scenario (words from his mouth):

 

“The worst thing has happened.”

 

My ears perked up and I looked at him directly in the eye with cause for concern – his ears bright red coupled with an intensity in his voice like a classic PM who was fighting fires for the most urgent of items on his Gantt chart:

 

“I’m losing both of my fuck buddies in the same week!  One is moving away on Saturday to another state and the other just decided to commit into a long-distance relationship.  Can you believe it?  This is bad…real bad.”

 

Really?  This was the worst thing that happened?

 

What’s the big deal I thought?

 

Just go out and meet other guys or hop on a gay app then Work. It. Out.

 

And just as I was clamping my two fingers together to play the world’s tiniest violin for Zach, I see in my periphery a bunch of guys in the bar drinking solo as well as all of a sudden get the urge to play a game of Buck Hunter.  Only if finding a Fuck Buddy were as easy as shooting the moving deer and elk targets on the screen.

 

He then proceeded to explain to me why the situation was dire in terms and language we both could understand – mutually coming from a world where technology, instant gratification and high-availability were norms:

 

Subscribe & Save

 “I’m not ashamed to say it – I’m totally a man-whore and need to have sex several times a week.”

Zach needed to replenish his need for a sexual encounter weekly, but preferred a rotation.  He’d already chosen his two preferred items for consumption (fuck buddies) and it was just a matter of setting up the frequency for which he’d like to receive his “deliveries”.

 

Every week he’d get his Notification reminders from one guy or the other via text, email or phone call if he’d want to get the “package” they had to deliver, which always came with that consistent smile.  If that particular drop off didn’t work, he could always Skip This Shipment or Update Delivery Schedule to receive at a later date of his choosing.

 

 

1-Click Wallet

“Let’s say it’s 3pm on a Saturday afternoon and I’m feeling rather randy and energized after having sipped my cappuccino at a nearby coffee shop on the Hill.  Guess what I do?”

 

He goes on to explain how all he has to do is look up on his phone via an App or phonebook which of his two hotties he would want to play with and click a button to send a request to meet up.  They both already know where he lives (Address on File) and can show up at his doorstep without the need of having to provide his information each time they come over.  They are caching all the info so it’s readily available when needed.

 

Prime

I’m starting to get it.  Wow, this Product Manager really knows his stuff.  He continues:

 

“You see… the biggest things fuck buddies problem-solve for are instant gratification, convenience and a consistent Customer Experience (Cx). It’s the closest thing to an equivalent of having a membership with Prime except instead of getting IT two-days later, you might get it within two hours and that’s reliability I’ve come to expect.”

 

Zach retreats a bit in his feature/benefit talk pointing out despite how sexually active he is, he would still prefer to keep his sexual partners count lower than higher – both for the statistical probability of contracting an STD and the likelihood of meeting someone whose flat out crazy.

 

Ah!  So health and safety are a clear benefit as well.

 

My knowledge in the Product Lifecycle compels me to point out to him that once a customer has paid the initial membership fee for Prime (date and/or drinks), all subsequent shipping (additional paid outings) is free as it’s established both are there for straight up casual and consenting sex.  Plus, if he comes over at night wearing easily removable sweats for a pop-in/pop-out scenario… that’s called Frustration-Free Packaging, hey!

 

Product Image & Detail Page

“But they are both leaving…” Zach whimpers.

 

“Looks like it’s time to update the Product Image and Product Detail Page on your Scruff and other online M4M profiles.”

 

I jokingly tease him knowing he’ll understand if I speak in terms of product marketing on the web.  You put out a compelling image to get them to ‘Click-Through’ and the Product Detail Page (About Me/What I’m Looking For) is where they can learn more to make a “buying decision”.  Sometimes they don’t even need to read the Product Detail page – we all know how too true that can be if it’s a one-time use-case.

 

Personalization & Relevancy

Since our last meet-up he took my advice about updating his profile and began getting hit up online by other men… different ones from what I knew he would usually like. A week later Zach and I had a night out on the town – he met some guy at the Cuff whom he had messaged back and forth, though he wasn’t head-over-heels for him.  Knowing Zach so well and seeing the types of guys he’d go for, I was surprised as well, but hey… Carpe Diem.

This guy would not have been one of my suggestions for him.

 

Instead, I go back to some photos he’s texted me on his phone of his ideal kind of man (Wishlist) and gently provide my Product Recommendations for him sending subsequent texts of hot, burly and of course, hairy men:

“If you like ____, you may also like ____.”

Insert hot beefy muscle bear AND hairy muscle cub.

In the course of just under two weeks, my mind’s been blown as I realize how close our typical real-life use-cases can translate to product features and benefits besides paying a visit to what is known today as the world’s oldest profession.

 

The Reality

Chatting with Zach I had a chance to identify those pain-points, which I believe modern-day technology such as Dating Sites, Personality Matching and Location-Based Services (LBS) apps intend to solve for gay men.  I can see why one would gravitate to a fuck buddy; concepts such as instant gratification, convenience, safety and comfort in the familiar all play a role in why it works for so many guys.

 

Certainly having to be a hunter and wearing the hat of Elmer Buck Fuddy to find your next target can be a monotonous challenge, especially if being social offline, self-confidence issues or a disdain for the “scene” are factors to consider in one’s own dating life.  In short, we may be able to see how technology can simplify and problem-solve these scenarios.  In the end, though, every guy is a unique human being and not always a predictable commodity that can be selected, purchased, paid for and delivered at the touch of a button.

 

Until there is a WOOF button to reach out to other men to indicate interest in real life, let’s keep it personal, letting part of the hunt and the chase be what makes the dating game fun.