I met Jacob and Tom through a guy I had just began to date at the time, an associate professor at Seattle University, who stood over six-feet tall, handsome, with salt and pepper hair and an infectious laugh.  Although things may have not worked out in the world of romance between The Professor and I, perhaps the underlying reason I met him was to build a great friendship with these two Texas-transplants who for me, have such a brilliant story of courtship, romance and love, which later lead to marriage.  Whenever I’m around these guys there is such a strong aura of love I’m not only thankful to be able to know them, but look forward to meeting my future husband to experience a loving marriage as they have.  It’s been over a year now, but I still remember hearing their story for the first time.

***

We’d agreed to meet up for dinner at Lecosho during Seattle Restaurant Week after discovering that we were all very much into food and wine.  Having just found parking after circling Western Avenue twice, I came rushing up the Harbor Steps to the entrance of the restaurant – staring at the slight scuffs on my saddle brown leather shoes thinking to myself  how 15 minutes was fashionably late, but 20 minutes would necessitate a courtesy call.  The fountains along the steps were lit up bearing not only the artificial light from the underwater fixtures, but their surface had also been marked by moonlight on this clear evening in October.  I lifted my head as I took one last look at my phone to check the time – I still remained in that window of grace to be considered fashionable so I cinched by scarf just a tad tighter and kept walking upwards.

 

Jacob was coming down the steps with Tom in tow – both in black coats.

“We’re sorry we were running behind.  Parking was a bit difficult.”

I greeted Jacob with a warm smile and satisfying embrace dismissing his comments as I myself had been running behind.  Tom beamed at me stretching out his arms to give me a huge bear hug as I leaned in feeling the pleasant scratch of the gray/black whiskers on his face.  We were glad to see each other.  Upon walking into the restaurant we were received by the hostess and seated at our table.  Tom and Jacob took the booth as I sat across from them with only a flickering oil lamp in between us.  The room was dark and dimly lit with diners in their early 30s mostly wearing black or darker shades.  Everyone was either paired off or in larger groups – this wasn’t a place for singles, at least for this evening.  It was, however, the perfect place to learn more about my new friends.

After a few minutes our server came by taking our order.  I ended up with red wine and duck confit if I remember correctly.

 

“Tell me, how did you guys meet each other?”

Tom turned to Jacob as if to confirm who would tell the story.  Without a word, Jacob looked in his eyes and knew he’d be the one to relate it to me.

“We actually met through a mutual friend.  He was like the Den Mother of our group.  All the parties and nights out with friends revolved around him.”

Jacob went on to talk about how he played softball in Texas with this group of friends and noticed Tom at one of the post-game drink-ups at a bar.  There was a bit of adversity for him in the beginning because he’d need to get Tom to notice him and so far he hadn’t yet caught his lover’s interest.

 

“I wasn’t sure if he even liked me because apparently he had his eye on another guy at the time.”

 

Tom began to blush… sinking in his seat slightly while taking a sip of his red wine to handle the mild embarrassment.  I thought ultimately that Jacob chasing Tom was adorable.

After some clarification of who liked who and once the other guy was out of the picture it became apparent that Jacob and Tom were meant for each other.

Jacob certainly knew that he wanted more than a one night stand with Tom.  So he established some ground rules early on.  I probed him wanting to know more.  At least for myself, I know when I like someone I tend to keep some type of standard or boundary I can live by.
“Nothing below the belt for the first month.”

 

Tom interjected the only rule I can remember now highlighting how Jacob, despite how attracted he was, decided to hold back a bit.

 

“I wanted there to be something to look forward to and I wanted to get to know him better.  So we dated for about a month and a half.” Jacob reasoned.

Tom’s eyes turned to Jacob with admiration as he continued saying that Tom was worth the wait.  This made my heart melt even further as Jacob dotingly put his arm around Tom.  It was indeed a sweet moment.

 

Dessert arrived a few minutes later.  Plates with panna cotta, flourless chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and a pear tart took center stage at our table.  By now I was getting a buzz from drinking a couple glasses of red wine and feeling a bit high from witnessing the warmth and love from true partners across the table.

“How did you end up getting married?”

I was determined to get the details of the next chapter in this love saga.

Jacob checked-in with Tom again.  Since he planned the proposal he took the lead.

“In Houston there was this local bar where we would line-dance every week and the back of the bar had one of those patios similar to the Cuff.  I told Tom to meet me there at about 8pm, but I arrived before him to get the place ready because I was able to convince one of the bartenders there to let me use the space.  We decorated it with lights and things to make it really special, but it had to be perfect.  Once we setup, the bartender put a sign up that said the place was reserved for a private party.  I had gone through the motions of planning this not feeling anxious at all until Tom arrived.

Of course he wasn’t nervous because he didn’t even know it was coming.  After hanging around the main area of the bar with him for a couple minutes I proceeded to head to the back patio.  Tom held back once we reached the doorway because it was marked Reserved for a Private Party.  I motioned we should go inside anyway.  I stepped through the doorway and Tom cautiously came in with me looking around marveling at how beautiful the place was.  He still insisted that we shouldn’t be here.  My stomach filled with butterflies as I fidgeted with the ring in my pocket.  Finally, after convincing him that it was alright for us to be in here I turned around quickly reaching for the ring.  When I faced Tom once again I got down on one knee, opened the ring box, looked at him directly in his eyes and asked him to marry me.”

“Then what happened.” I asked.

“I said yes as my eyes watered and I kissed Jacob.” Tom declared staring at Jacob who was now holding his hand next to the lamp at our dining table.

I could absolutely sense genuine love here as both shared more with me that evening about their decision to get married and what followed.  Interestingly, when the two were married they borrowed a 12^th century blessing from the Vatican’s Office of Same Gender Unions originally extoled to Greco-Roman soldiers who entered into same-sex unions even in those times.  The texts were obtained from John Boswell’s Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe.  Fortunately, Jacob and Tom were kind enough to share the details of their holy union liturgy below.  In this season of marriage and the tipping point of bringing equality to all in this endeavor, I do hope we can think further about the meaning of marriage and the specialness of this union.

***

Rite of Union

 

Exchange of Promises

 

Since it is your intention to enter into union, join your right hands, and declare your

consent before God and these witnesses.

 

Jacob: In the presence of God and these our friends, I take you to be my

companion in a covenant of love, comfort, forgiveness, and

faithfulness, as long as we both shall live.

 

Tom: In the presence of God and these our friends, I take you to be my

companion in a covenant of love, comfort, forgiveness, and

faithfulness, as long as we both shall live.

 

Exchange of Rings

From the earliest times, the circle has been a symbol of completeness, a symbol of

never ending love. As often as either of you looks at this symbol, I hope that you will

be reminded of the commitment to love eoch other, which you have made today.

 

Jacob: I give you this ring as as sign of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have.  I honor you.

 

Tom: I give you this ring as as sign of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have.  I honor you.

 

 

Blessing:

 

Translated from Office of Same Gender Unions (Vatican 1147 AD)

O Lord our God, Ruler of all, who did fashion humankind in Thy image and likeness, and who bestowed upon us power of everlasting life, who did deem it holy that Thy apostles Philip and Bartholomew should be united, not bound unto one another by nature but by faith and the spirit.  And who did find thy holy martyrs Serge and Bacchus worthy to be united together, bless Thy servants Jacob and Tom, joined togeter not by the bond of nature but by faith and spirit, granting them peace and love and oneness of mind.  Grant unto them Thy grace to love each other in joy without injury or hatred all the days of their lives and with the aid of the all holy Mother of God and of all thy saints, forasmuch as Thou art blessed and glorified everywhere, now and forever.  Amen.